I was leading a three-ring circus lifestyle, and honestly, I was a one-ring person.
I was disappearing. Three baby boys. A wildly busy household. A very-paused career.
The slow erosion of what was once my center.
“I can pull this off,” I thought. “Like that magic trick where you yank the tablecloth, and every fork, glass, plate, and centerpiece stays in place.”
I did not pull it off. And most everything that could crash crashed. Mental health. Identity. Purpose. Perspectives. Values.
Me. Who and what I was.
My story
Amid the turmoil, on a winter day, as thick snowflakes stuck to a front picture window, a friend looked at me, “You’re really interesting. You’ve done some pretty amazing things." he said. "You could write about all this. A book.”
"You've done some pretty amazing things" he said.
My mouth slacked open. Wide open. So wide it could have fogged up that entire window.
Whom was he talking about? Me?
Huh.
“Nope,” I said. “ Uh -uh. I feel like I’ve been living in a cave for the last 12 years.”
I fought the friend’s statement that January day. I did. I really tried.
But something stirred, and I went home and wrote and wrote and kept on writing.
A vision started to emerge.
Slowly, in the shadows at first, the healing started.
Then it came in fuller dimensions and colors.
There was a nudge, a still small voice….”There’s more; there’s more.” More to my story, how it can (and continues to) change, grow, and me with it. I accepted the invitation and began processing, and writing about loss, pain, trauma, depression, anxiety, and a once-terrified small, small girl.
A vision started to emerge...
My old storyline was exposed, disposed of, and replaced.
I gave up the lies I held and traded them for greater truths.
Something bad is going to happen…
God relentlessly pursues me because I am well, well-loved...therefore I am safe and can always come home.
My last 30-plus years are like diamonds--acres of them--in my own backyard, in me.
All my writing, producing, reporting, anchoring, hosting, interviewing, creating, serving, parenting…loving.
It’s rich—all of it. Nothing wasted.
None.
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